Life In The Freezer: Fix It
by BerenaForLife17
Summary: We all had our hearts broken on Tuesday night so I've decided to fix it. Here's my version of a fix it fic
1. Chapter 1

What had she done? She had told Serena she didn't want to hurt her yet she had by accepting a job she didn't truly want for reasons she couldn't bring herself to justify. Serena's admission of love had scared her yet hadn't it been clear that the feisty brunette had been trying to tell her that all day? She had asked Bernie not to go, she had pleaded with her in front of the entire ward and Bernie did what Bernie did best when she was feeling scared. She ran. She knew she was a coward, of mammoth size proportions, and all she wanted to do was rush back to the hospital and gather Serena up into her arms telling she was sorry and she'd stay if it meant they could be together

"Bloody coward that's what I am" Bernie didn't need to leave for another few days and she intended not to step a foot out of the door and absolutely nowhere near Holby City Hospital unless her actual life depended on it. Bernie was just about to break open a bottle of wine when someone rings her intercom. She sighs, leaving the half opened bottle on the coffee table and glass to answer her door "Yes?"

"Mum it's me. Can I come up?" Cameron. This was a pleasant surprise and a needed one. She needed to tell him about her going away... again. This was going to be hard but as long as he knew she was coming back it should be okay

"Of course. I was just about to phone you anyway" That was a lie but Bernie knew she would have to do it eventually. She buzzes Cameron in and leaves the door open a little before heading back in the living room pouring herself a large glass of wine and sitting back down on the sofa. She takes a large drink and smiles weakly when she hears Cameron close the door and pad into the living room

"That sort of day mum?" Bernie scoffs unable to shift the image of Serena's heartbreak from her mind.

"You have no idea" Cameron sits down next to his mum and smiles tiredly. "How's Charlotte? Your dad?" Bernie had little interest in Marcus but was anxious for news on Charlotte, who still hadn't contacted her.

"They're good mum. Charlotte is keen to meet up with you she doesn't know how to approach you about it. You know Lottie" Bernie chuckles sipping her wine. Charlotte had always been the quiet, shy one who would jump at her own shadow. Not so much now however but Bernie still saw the shy little girl every time she looked at a photo or talking about her.

"Yes. I'm glad you came over. I have some news" Bernie reaches over the coffee table and picks up the information pack on the Kiev hospital where she'd be working the next six months and hands it to Cameron "I've been offered a secondment. I've agreed to take it"

"A secondment? But what about your job at Holby, what about-about Serena?" The mention of Serena's name brings tears to the blonde's eyes, her heart breaking that little bit more. "I thought you had feelings for her"

"It's gone way beyond feelings Cam." Bernie closes her eyes and slides the wine glass onto the coffee table, her head dropping to her hands "We've kissed. Twice and she admitted she is in love with me"

"So you're running away? That's you all over mum. You used the army to escape from Dad and now you're using Ukraine to escape from Serena. When things get tough you run away." Bernie had no reply to Cameron's harsh words because they were true. She was a runner when it came to difficult situations. She knew her marriage to Marcus had been over for years before the she filed for divorce and having an affair with Alex was the last straw but with Serena it was the fear of being in a relationship, knowing she'd only probably screw it up a few months down the line that scared her the most. It wasn't about what Serena did and didn't want. Bernie knew Serena wanted her, that much Serena had made clear when she ran after her in AAU "What are you so afraid of mum? What's so scary that you run from everyone you love?"

"I'm no good at relationships Cam. I was unhappy with your father, I screwed up my chance with Alex and now I screwed up my chance with the only person I could ever see myself loving for the rest of my life because I see love as something that is fatalistic. Every chance I've had to be happy it's always ended in heartbreak and I can't go through that again. Not this time. I-I love Serena too much only to lose her when I make a mistake."

"Wow. Berenice Wolfe using the L word" Bernie looks at her son and shakes her head. He was right though. She never said 'I love you' and it had always made Cameron wonder why his mother was so cut off from her emotions "You've already made a mistake mum. You're leaving her." Cameron stands and looks down at his mother, who was clearly broken by the thought of leaving Serena and Holby "If you truly think that you and Serena would benefit from time apart then go to Ukraine but if you're only doing this because you're scared of what could happen then you're a coward mum. You don't know what will happen and I'm sure Serena is strong enough to keep you in line, she isn't afraid to speak her mind mum." Cameron leans down and presses a kiss to his mum's head before making for the door "It's up to you Mum. Fight or flight?" Cameron gives his mum a weak smile before leaving her to mull over her decision knowing she'd also mull over it with a few bottles of wine.

Back at Holby Serena was packing up to leave for the night. She had been unable to move from her desk since Bernie had walked away. The heartbreak she felt was worse than Edward or Robbie. Berenice Wolfe had shattered her and it would take a long time to pick up the pieces

"Serena. Are you alright?" the familiar Scottish twang of Raf echoed in her ears. Surely the entire ward was gossiping about Serena and Bernie's scene on the floor and it would no doubt spark conjecture and wild stories around the hospital "What's happened?"

"Ms Wolfe has accepted the secondment" Serena's tone was cold and bitter. She couldn't hate Bernie but she could be damned angry at her. She had bared her heart and Bernie had smashed it.

"What? I knew she was thinking about it but I never thought she'd take it" Serena glances up at Raf, her eyes red yet devoid of any emotion except anger and hurt "I know it's none of my business but has something happened between you and Ms Wolfe? I've never seen you look so..." Serena straightens up and looks at her friend wondering what he'll say "Heartbroken" Serena picks up her bag and throws it over her shoulder before looking at Raf again. The pain and fear evident in Serena's eyes Raf realises he may have hit upon the truth. He was shocked but the signs had been there. The longing looks and lingering touches. Serena had never let anyone get as close as she had let Bernie Wolfe and now Bernie was gone, there was only the devastation of her decision left behind "Serena I'm sorry"

"It doesn't matter now Raf. She's gone" Serena shuffles past the Scotsman and grabs her coat throwing it over her arm.

"Of course it matters Serena. I'll admit I'm a bit shocked but you two make such a brilliant team and I think you'd make a brilliant couple too." Raf puts a comforting hand on Serena's arm and smiles weakly knowing that there would be no words of comfort for Serena but he was willing to try "She'll come back realising what a grade A idiot she's been and beg you to forgive her" Forgiveness? Could Serena forgive Bernie? Yes she could in a heartbeat but could she trust the blonde not to break her heart again? Well that was another beast altogether.

"Thank you Raf." The man lets his hand fall from Serena's arm and he walks her out of the ward aware of the looks Serena was getting they walk out of the doors "I'll see you tomorrow" Raf nods his head and smiles sadly as he watches Serena walk down the corridor towards the exit.

"I hope, for your sake, Bernie Wolfe you don't leave your return too long in the future" Raf says quietly to himself as he turns on heel and heads back onto the ward.


	2. Chapter 2

(A/N: Bernie's speech is in bold so it separates it from the rest of the text around it.)

Chapter 2

A couple of hours after Bernie's departure Serena manages to pick herself up and leaves the office to do her final rounds. She knew that the staff were watching her closely, wondering what had gone down between their two clinical leads. Morven had just arrived for the night shift and was already aware of Bernie's leaving and Serena's reaction and Raf was concerned for his friend. He had never seen her like this before.

"Serena. Are you okay?" He says approaching the brunette doctor cautiously as she finishes up with a patient

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" He could see through the front that Serena was putting up knowing she was devastated by Bernie's departure. What he couldn't understand was why Serena had tried to stop her? They were friends right? Wouldn't Serena be the supportive friend and tell Bernie to go if it meant Bernie would come back with new skills? He had noticed it had been a bit tense between them lately. Had something happened? Had they fought? Or was there something else going on entirely? They did looked a little flushed earlier in the office... No. No way. Bernie and Serena? Raf internally shakes away that thought

"It's just- well- Has Bernie gone then? To Ukraine? Is that what you were arguing about before?" Raf saw the tears gather in Serena's eyes and knew he had hit upon the truth. Yes it was clear Bernie had decided to take the secondment but now he had official confirmation "I'm going to Albie's. You're welcome to join if you want to talk" Raf puts a hand on Serena's shoulder letting it slip away as he walks towards the locker room to change. Serena stays still for a moment before heading off to the side rooms to check on the patients in them.

"Morven. Is Serena still here?" Bernie had just burst into AAU just as Serena headed into the first side room. She knew she had made a mistake and Cameron's words only fortified that. She had to make it right. She had gone to see Hannsen to tell him that she wouldn't be taking the secondment after all before she had rushed down to AAU

"Bernie? I thought you-Ukraine" The young doctor was stumbling over her words as the rest of the night shift staff all quickly went different directions not quite believing Ms Wolfe had come back so soon

"Morven. Later. Where is Serena?" Before the girl could answer Serena slips out of the side room she had been in, not looking up as she walks towards the next one "Serena..." The sound of her name being muttered causes the woman to look up, her eyes now fixed upon the familiar figure of Berenice Wolfe standing at the reception desk

"Ms Wolfe. Shouldn't you be packing by now? Would hate for you to miss your flight" There was no emotion in Serena's voice. Nothing. Bernie swallows the lump in her throat and looks around the ward, sensing the eyes upon her and Serena

"Can we talk in the office please?" Bernie asks quietly, her head hanging and her eyes looking at everyone and everything but Serena

"Dr Digby would you finish the rounds please?" Serena moves over to the desk, dropping the files in front of Morven as she makes for the office not once do her eyes drift to Bernie. The blonde doctor follows her surrounded by a deafening silence that is only made increasingly awkward when she closes the door behind her once she had filed into the office behind Serena

 **"I am so sorry."** Bernie doesn't move from the door as Serena sits on the edge of the desk listening to Bernie's apology **"When you-you told me you were falling in love with me I panicked. I've never been good at relationships; my previous two are prime examples of that and I couldn't bare the thought of hurting you as I hurt Marcus and Alex. You are the one thing in my life I can count on right now. You and this job. I didn't want you to regret us- I don't want you to regret us and I, certainly, don't want you to suddenly realise that being with me was wrong."** Bernie runs a hand through her unruly hair and takes a deep breath before continuing **"So I ran. It's what I've always done when-when things got too hard. With Marcus it was the army and with Alex, it was here. I didn't expect to- to settle here I didn't think I was capable of living a civilian life, of living by new rules then I met you and you gave me a purpose. You gave me a trauma unit, something I'm good at."** Bernie doesn't move from her spot by the office door not wanting to crowd Serena. She looks up at the brunette, tears in her eyes **"I told you my perspective on death is warped. So is my perspective of love. I've seen so many young men and women die before they got to experience love and over time I built this wall where nothing could get to me. Good old British reserve. I learnt, in the field, love was weakness. Love made you vulnerable. Yes it can a strength in the right situations but when you're being fired at in the middle of poppy fields you can't think about your family or your lover because it's a distraction, it breeds fear. Fear of never seeing them again so you lose focus."** Bernie has to grip the top of the chairs that sat near the door to steady herself as her anguish came pouring out of her. The secret she had never laid bare to anyone **"That's why I always seem so unaffected, so cold sometimes. Like today when you came after me, pleading with me to stay it may have seemed to you that I was stoic but inside I was screaming out telling myself to listen to you, to listen to what I already knew deep down. I'm in love with you and that terrifies me."** Bernie could see the tears gathering in Serena's eyes as the truth came tumbling out. It was time to stop running and face up to what she had known all along. She could never run from Serena **"I thought some time and space could help us both realise what we wanted but in fact I already knew. I've known for weeks. I just want you. I want us. I want us to go out to dinner, to go to the theatre, stay in on cold nights and cuddle up on the sofa with a glass of wine in our hands... I want a normal relationship where I'm not looking over my shoulder waiting to be busted or stealing moments in the store-room. I want you. I-I love you and I will I do anything to make you happy"**

"That was quite the speech Ms Wolfe" Serena stands from the edge of the desk and reaches over to take one of Bernie's hands tugging the blonde towards her "If you ever pull anything like that again I'll make IEDs and gunfire look tame understand?" Bernie chuckles resting her hands on Serena's chest just below her collar bone

"Received and understood." Bernie leans in and kisses Serena lovingly knowing she wouldn't make the same mistake again. She'd never leave Serena ever again because love wasn't all scary, it was rather elating and something Bernie never thought she'd feel again. "Now about dinner... still up for it?"

"Am I ever?" Serena pecks Bernie's lips again before pulling away to retrieve her notes, files, bag and coat "I take it it'll be takeaway since it's probably too late for you to start cooking?" Serena knew Bernie too well. The blonde never cooked after a certain time. Claimed it was a by product of her army days but Serena knew it was one of Bernie's idiosyncrasies. One of many.

"I was thinking Indian or Thai?" Bernie opens the door for Serena smiling softly as the brunette passes her heading out into the ward. Raf and Morven look over to the pair then look at each other.

"Thai sounds really good" Bernie switches off the lights closing the door behind her. The pair walk past the desk and towards the exit walking rather close to each other

"Thai it is" Raf and Morven can only just stand and watch as the co leads leave AAU and a stunned staff behind them

"Serena didn't take long to forgive her then?" Morven smiles knowingly. She had seen the look on Serena's and Bernie's faces as they left AAU. There was something going on. Something that had gone beyond friendship. It didn't matter. As long as they were both happy.

"I don't think there is anything Serena could ever not forgive Bernie for" 'Bar cheating' Morven adds silently in her head as she finishes up typing the patient notes she had made during the last few beds of the round.


End file.
